After reading your letter I just want to say: it is true life sucks but, at the same time, life is fair. Don’t be sad if he rejected you because that means fate has planned someone better than him for you. Be strong and love yourself. Keep working hard and don’t give up, your effort will be paid one day. :')
One huge problem in your letter are run-on sentences. Out of all the letters I read, you have the most run-on sentences, probably enough to get you an award for run-on lol.
I can’t help but believe he’s the cutest creature ever existed in this planet (rare case, I’m telling you, this is really really rare, I’ve never been this heads over heels over a guy before to the point where I am insanely blind) but at the same time, I know this ain’t love, and he doesn’t feel the same way about me, well I wish I could use the word “has yet” here but I’m too coward to do that.
=> I found this sentence as the longest one, so I'll give it the title of the King.
But overall, it was fun. At least I enjoyed every single day of work, despite the fact that I had to get up at
4am in the morning, put on make-up and high heels and I would be standing on those shoes for 9 hours straight (oops, forgot to tell yah, I was a receptionist).
=> I grant this run-on the Queen. : ) In addition, there is a redundant issue here. If you already use "am," no need "in the morning" => Every one knows 4 a.m. is really early in the morning.
Aside from not being able to get a single penny, I still had to do almost every single thing other people didn’t want to do, got scolded by silly things, and countless other discomfort that will take me a whole morning to list I guess.
As a child, I was able to cry whenever I wanted to, to laugh at whatever I found funny, and… I was capable of holding on to my belief, in myself, in your existence, in miracles, in fairy tales, in wishes-do-come-true stuff.
=> These two will be the Concubines. I bet the King has the harem that he wishes for~
Do not trying to connect many independent clauses with a comma in one sentence. If you want to connect two independent clauses, use linking words. If you have a sentence that supports the main clause, use relative pronouns (which, where, when, whom, that). If you desperately want to link two independent clauses, use semicolons. Or else, the most simple way would be to separate those individual clauses in an independent sentence. Just for reference, here are three rules for using commas I want to remind you:
1. Use commas to separate independent clauses when they are joined by any of these seven coordinating conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet.
2. Use commas after introductory a) clauses, b) phrases, or c) words that come before the main clause.
➤ While I was eating, the cat scratched at the door.
➤ When the snow stops falling, we'll shovel the driveway.
8. Use commas to set off phrases at the end of the sentence that refer back to the beginning or middle of the sentence. Such phrases are free modifiers that can be placed anywhere in the sentence without causing confusion.
➤ Nancy waved enthusiastically at the docking ship, laughing joyously.
[source:
Purdue OWL]
Besides the run-on problem, there are two other errors that I want to mention.
Firstly, spell out all numbers less than ten. Even though this letter is informal, formal writing requires strict rules with spelling out numbers and we often forget to do it. Thus, it’s better to make it become a good habit, right?
Secondly, you use a lot of parallel structures, but forget to complete the parallelism (or listing structure). Or I should say you need to pay more attention at the sentence structure when you decides to have a parallelism...Else this may lead to run-on sentences.
No talking in the office, no eating in the office, no fun in the office, no more random conversation about vulgar things or meeting handsome guys, urg, it’s freaking boring, the only great thing is I don’t have to put on make-up and high heels.
➤ No talking, eating, and having fun in the office, no more random conversation about vulgar things, or meeting handsome guys, urg, it’s freaking boring. The only great thing is I don’t have to put on make-up and high heels.
As a child, I was able to cry whenever I wanted to, to laugh at whatever I found funny, and… I was capable of holding on to my belief, in myself, in your existence, in miracles, in fairy tales, in wishes-do-come-true stuff.
➤ As a child, I was able to cry whenever I wanted to, to laugh at whatever I found funny, and...to be able to hold on to my belief in myself, in your existence, in miracles, in fairy tales, and in wishes-do-come-true stuff.
)
Regarding your question, everything is pretty much the same 
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