Dear Santa,
I know I have never believed in you, spending all these years laughing at my sisters and cousins when they write to you.
=> this sentence has grammatical issue. I'm not professionally trained at Pedagogy University so I can't explain properly to you, but I can assure you using "spending" here like you did is inappropriate. Plus, the two phrases aren't exactly connected; thus, I think you should separate them into two different sentences. And putting "I know" there is quite meaningless, because you're the narrator. Of course everything you state here is true right? "You know I have never believed in you. I have spent all these years... each time they write to you."
I mean, who would have if someday they saw their friend's parents buying a doll which you had unintentionally torn the hat and sow it back messily (kept as a secret, of course) from your papa's store and then the next morning their friend ran to them, boasting about how Santa had given that exact doll to her.
=> the sentence is too long and too messy, I had to reread it twice to understand what you wanted to say. The sentence itself contains many errors as well. First, the pronouns here are unparalleled. You changed constantly, from they saw to you had and their friend. It's extremely confusing. And what do you mean by "who would have"? If you wanted to talk about your belief, then "have" is redundant. Because at the moment this letter was being written, you still did not believe in Santa. Therefore, it is an If 2 case, which is used to talk about something unreal in the present (would + verb = if 2). "I mean, who would if one day (yeah, not someday, it's one day dear, you can talk a look at the dictionary), your friend came and started bragging about a doll given to her by Santa Claus, which happened to be the exact doll from your papa's store, and was unintentionally damaged and fixed by you yourself (the whole thing was kept a secret, of course [yup, kept it a secret or kept a secret is enough]).
I didn't tell her the truth when I noticed the sewing on the hat, please don't worry, it's just between you and me.
=> place a "so" before "please don't worry" will make the sentence sound better.
So, since I was seven, I stopped believing in writing a letter for an old man in the North Pole asking for gifts every December.
=> believing in writing a letter? This sounds really weird, you don't have to prolong your letter you know, we don't need long letter.
I cannot ask for anyone else, and if you're out there Santa, can I ask for only one favor?
=> Ask anyone else. And one favor only.
I did pay the price for those thing I did,
=> thing should be in plural form. And "the things" sounds better.
maybe I could be on your nice list this time?
=> can be, we're talking about the present.
I hope that with this address I wrote on the receipient place,
=> the address not this address. Recipient, you got the wrong spelling.
this won't go back to my house on the next year, is "North Pole" your place? => Next year is enough. And "Is North Pole your place" is a separate sentence, they are not linked together so please don't just "comma" them.
My sister's letters never get returned, and she still somehow gets all the things she asked for.
=> the tenses here are unparalleled, you went from present tense (get and gets) and then past (asked). Didn't your sister get what she asked for in the past? And never should go with perfect tense.
Here the problem,
=> Here is the problem.
Anyone can see there's something wrong with them when they wake up in bed with another woman, who told they that she is her girlfriend, but they don't remember anything.
=> I lost you right here Ọ_Ọ. And told "them", not "they"
The other woman agreed with me too, her name is Malissa, that she may have fallen in love with the other person in me - Rose, she called.
=> agrees and she calls (or else you would have to change to she might [might is the past tense of may, the tenses used in one sentence all have to parallel with the others]).
I'm living with her now, because she told me she often finds Rose running barefooted around town,
=> she told me she often found or she tells me she often finds, same reason above. And running barefootedly.
looking for her frantically every weekends
=> every weekend.
but on Monday Rose just disappeared, that left her worried at first but no suspicion until I was the one who woke up on her bed last month.
=> Ohh My Gosh, these run-ons really drive me crazy now.
I thought maybe I was the second personality that was created to deal with the world Rose hates, Malissa often hears Rose complains about her daily life.
=> use because to link the two clauses together. And unparalleled tenses again.
And I met her father too, and also my papa, but only one person recognized me, sadly it was the teacher.
=> It feels as if I was in a forest, or shall I say a maze, with no escape. Ọ A Ọ. "And I met her father too, so did my papa. However, sadly, the only person recognizing me was my teacher."
It's terrifying when Malissa started bringing crosses home, forced me to read out loud the Bible and took me to church everyday.
=> everyday represents what's happening now. Please be careful regarding your choice of tenses. It sounds really really disturbing to have someone tell me "the sun rose from the east everyday.
They told me that if I give them a sacrifice, they will come and rescue me.
=> told belongs to the past, so you should change all verbs here accordingly.
One day when I looked out the window, eventhough it was dark outside but I could hear it clearly, a lullaby.
=> even though.
Maybe they have exorcized me out of this body.
=> Exocised.
Maybe I have given myself to the voices and sacrificed my life.
=> I understand "sacrificed" here is under the affect of "have", but still, you must add have sacrificed to clarify.
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