[Cigarette]

I don't remember making any promises, but I've been good so hopefully Santa will come this year.

Honestly though, I'm on my way to being a lonely old man nobody really care about. I can picture it.

But that's fine.


How's life treating you, mate?


Edit: just noticed that I got a +reputation 2 days ago for an ancient article on using BBCode. Good old time.

[Do No Evil]

I'm on my way to being a lonely old man nobody really care about.

me too

but there are way to be sexy old men you know
chicks dig the grandpa

but to be honest, I dont really care if no one care about me. I only need one special person. but then I remember that I am autistic as fuck and life with me would be hell and I would rather not put a human being through that my AI waifu.

How's life treating you, mate?

I got a job where I work 10 hours at the office and then 2 more at home
It's pretty good.

check out my shit
Pretty neat, huh ?
I can feel my power level increasing

[Cigarette]

Cool stuff. You do animation now? Or also 3D modeling?

I remember playing around with 3DSMax back in the day. Never got further than the knight chess piece tutorial.

I might get back into it though, since recently I became interested in 3D printing. It's getting cheaper and cheaper, and you can even print wood! Really didnt think my penholder can be this cool.

[Do No Evil]

my penholder can be this cool.

lol killer stuff, dude. Literally

You do animation now?

yep, full time animator now.
3d modeling is another discipline that take a life time to master, so I have to put that on the back burner, for now.
I also found out that my company is a den of sickos just like me, which make work much more enjoyable.

I might get back into it though, since recently I became interested in 3D printing. It's getting cheaper and cheaper, and you can even print wood!

2010s was all doom and gloom, while 2020s is shaping up to be the new Renaissance.
The two biggest things right now is AI and 3D printing.
>tfw you live just in time to bring your waifu to life

I don't remember making any promises, but I've been good so hopefully Santa will come this year.

Getting senile already are we ?

I remember saying something like:
"since we probably won't find love or happy ever after in our 20s, being old men no one care about as we are
we should forget about love entirely and instead focus on developing our career and ourselves, so that by the time we are 30s things will be different."

I have been making progress, so even though I am still an old man, I am no longer so miserable.
How about you ?

[Cigarette]

3D modelling for animation is a different beast comparing to 3D modelling for printing. I could be wrong, but there is much more leeway when models are not to be animated.

I have been making progress, so even though I am still an old man, I am no longer so miserable.

Good for you mate. I'm still on my way to recovery from most recent emotional crash.

<tried to write some here but it's just so wrong I ended up deleting everything>

May be all I need is some attention.

[Do No Evil]

<tried to write some here but it's just so wrong I ended up deleting everything>

hey man, I already told you guys about my embarrassing attempt at romance at my IELTS class, might as well return the favor.


if it help, you might want to check out the book The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman,
once you are done with that continue with The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday.

I find those immensely helpful as life philosophy. Since you already live life in hard mode, might as well learn to enjoy the abuse.

[Cigarette]

I would also recommend a book I read recently: "Let's pretend this never happened".

I have already mastered self-hypnotising, with songs and stuff. Listen to 'Born to lose' and convinced myself that everything is just not meant to be. And then listen to 'Dont worry be happy' to tell myself that everything is going ok. Aint got no cash aint got no style aint got no gal ta make ye smile... Oh god that is so me.



So anyway, the short story is that I am heartbroken. Longer story: Me = kind of an emotional support for someone, fell in love, she graduated from me (or maybe just me realizing that it's just my delusion. I was so sure... She even waited for me for 3 hours just to go home together), kind of reminded that I am only needed when I am somewhat useful to someone, mental = crashed.

[Do No Evil]

yeah, but it could have been worse tho, it always could have been worse.

let's assume you get with this girl and all went well. Now the honeymoon phase is over, now what ?
She could NTR you many years down the line, divorce you, take half your income for child support, complaining that you don't care about her anymore, while you are out there grinding your ass off for her sake.

now I don't claim to know this girl personally, nor am I making blanket statement about female nature,
but at any moment, shit will happen will fuck up your happiness. It's better to prepare for it.
Premeditation of evil, as it is called.

I am not even married and I already have a detail plan of actions in case my future wife ever decided to cheat on me.
I will play the long game, pretend nothing happen while collection evident of her cheating, then all at once I will send that to her parent, her co-worker and her friend. I will wipe her name off any asset she thinks she is entitle to in court, I will even get her a couple of dozen millions in credit debt.
Oh and whoever cheat with her, I will take that guy's left nut as a reminder.
"When I am done, the law can't unfuck you." That's what I am gonna say when I go Exterminatus on that shit. Ahahahahahha
.
.
.
.
.
There is this one girl, who I love more than anything. Consciously love, without teenage hormone clogging up my brain.
We met here in VNS. It didn't work out.
Every year we would send each other text on birthday, and that's the only time we would talk in a year.
I stop sending her message two years ago, but she still send me my happy birthday.

All of this barely-a-relationship thing is quite draining for me.
So last years I straight up asked her if she's doing this out of guilt, thinking it was because of her that some how I turn out this way (the last time we talked before breaking up I really showed her my nasty self).
Still waiting for her answer this year, which I hope there won't be one.
I have given up all delusion of ever having anything with this girl. Our fate is severed, by my own hand.

It's been 7 years and every time I see her photo, I still feel needle in my heart.
.
.
.
.

Anyway, while I can't help you and your problem is yours alone, I will say just keep going.

the price one pay for all good things is suffering.
so maybe next time, once you have suffered enough things will be different, eh ?

[Cigarette]

Coincidentally, I've just finished a book about... an elaborated cheating, let's say. "Wind-up bird chronicles". Yea this Murakami writes weird shits.

But no hard feeling there, it was exactly like what I said: she no longer need me as a support. Just that I've been insecure all this time, all my life.

On my earliest birthday I remember celebrating there was a heavy rain. Only 3 kids showed up. From next year I no longer held any birthday party. By the time I was a teenager even my family forgot about it (they still do). Only 3 friends remember and congratulate me every year, for which I am actually grateful.


The girl you're talking about actually were here for a short time right? Back in the day there was this Little Squash-kun and you were still z-something-bit-something with double quotation marks at every chance. Dang. We go way back, don't we.

[Do No Evil]

you were still z-something-bit-something with double quotation marks at every chance

thank God the last VNS got wiped out forever otherwise I would have to live with that to this day.

Just that I've been insecure all this time, all my life.

yeah, and when you are insecure. You tend to overcompensate by being nice, or overenthusiastic, or self sacrificial.
But once you come to term with your insecurity, you don't feel the need to overcompensate anymore.

For the longest time I have been unconscious about my insecurity, It's like people can tell you are being insecure but you yourself don't know that.

but one day, out of nowhere, the girl ask me "why are you so insecure ?".
It was planted in my head, like Inception. It was at that moment I gained self-awareness.
I guess I have to thank her for that, since without that question I would probably be chunni to this days.